When Men Aren’t Serious

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The motivations of men (and women) in relationships is a serious curiosity of mine. I wish I could be inside the head of a man to understand his thoughts, especially one that has a physical relationship with a woman with no intention of entering a serious commitment. These men are what I would refer to as not serious. Two men on TV in particular gave me some idea of how they make choices on relational interactions with women. As I cannot know for sure, I am inferring based on observations from the shows and my own personal knowledge. These two men are Aaron Francis from Love Island Season 7, and Ryan from Black Ink Crew Chicago season 2.

Aaron from Love Island was definitely not serious. First of all, he stated he wanted 4 kids during a brunch date in episode 7. The girl he started a fling with, Sharon, stated she didn’t plan to have children, as she was more career driven. This, among other things, was one of the main reasons Aaron cited when breaking things off with her. However, his actions were different than his words, as Sharon also pointed out, as he continued physically pursing Sharon after the ‘break-up” occurred.

This was only a glimpse of his lack of seriousness in finding the woman he claimed to have wanted. Once Sharon and Brad were dumped from the island, Aaron began pursing another islander, Lucinda. At multiple points, it is quite obvious that Aaron and Lucinda are not intellectually compatible. When he mentioned how cute she was, that was the telltale sign that he was not pursing the woman he claimed to want, rather one he was simply physically attracted to.

Ryan from Black Inc. Crew Chicago displayed a similar lack of seriousness. At one point, his voice over talked about how heartbreak is difficult, as he learned from experience. Because of that, he has trouble trusting people and putting his guard down. He ultimately wanted a woman he could open up to. What he showed didn’t necessarily reflect that. He began a fling with Charmaine’s friend, who he praised several times for her good looks. However, there were certain things that were intuitively not his style. One main example was when they went for a walk in downtown Chicago. She was wearing a club dress and heels, while he wore casual shorts and sneakers. It can be strongly inferred that he may want a different fit, or a woman who suits his personality better as opposed to one that is simply appealing to look at.

Both of these men demonstrated that they weren’t serious, and the similarity between the two was interesting. In my personal observations, it takes a certain level of self-discipline for men to get the caliber of woman they claim to want. Both Aaron and Ryan, at the time of their respective TV shows, seemed extremely career focused. A good woman demands a lot of time and attention, and perhaps neither of these men were at a place where they felt they could make a commitment like that. This may have been why they chose to be with women they knew were not the caliber of their ideal partner; they chose a convenient, attractive person, who required less effort.

Overall, I found the crossover between these seemingly unrelated men fascinating. Both men were around the same stage of life, mid-late 20s/just turned 30. Similarly, Aaron had a college degree and Ryan was running as successful business. I would love to find more men like this to see what their dating outlook is, as it would be interesting to shed light on how they make decisions on women and dating.

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